My Story of Church Conflict
As I watched my pastor preach one Sunday morning a strange feeling came over me. A desire to be a pastor began to rise in my heart. I remember asking him what it would take to enter the ministry. He didn't answer me in a positive way. Frankly, It felt as though he didn't think it was something I ought to be thinking about. I had only known the Lord for about six months, but this desire seemed to be more than just a passing thought. I was a little perplexed as to why my pastor didn't act more excited that he had inspired me to ask questions about the ministry.
My Pastor Told Me to Consider Something Other than Becoming a Pastor
Eventually that pastor moved on and another took his place. I told him, as we headed for home after attending a conference, that I was thinking about becoming a pastor. He got a strange look on his face and asked me a question; "Why do you want to be a pastor?" I naively answered that I thought it would be great to spend my time studying & teaching the Bible. The poor man probably had to fight back the laughter. He said that I should really consider doing something else.
Again, I thought to myself why aren't these men who I deeply respect more excited about my desire to pursue ministry? Why don't they help me, encourage me, give me a little guidance? What I didn't understand at the time was that they knew how bloody the ministry could be. They knew that being a minister was both the best job in the world and more often than your average Christian would think, your worst nightmare.
Pastoring a Church is an Easy Job, Right?
Many Christians believe that the pastor has got it made. He only has to work a couple of hours a week, (ha ha, we pastors never get tired of hearing that one.), and even at that all he does is stand up and talk. "Talk about easy money; what could be better than that?" "Why he doesn't know what real work is." But then it's hard to explain why the life insurance sales guy increases your rate a little bit if you're in the ministry. After all with such a cushy job all we pastors ought to live forever. Right?
Truth is, being in the ministry is one of the most stressful occupations there is. It's not just two hours on Sunday, it's 24hrs a day 7 days a week. Living in a fish bowl where every move you make is up for public scrutiny. Your wife and kids are on display, and God help you if you forget that sister Ethel missed service last week because of the sniffles.
We are not in ministry for the pay or the good hours. It's certainly not for the respect of the world, or the rare pat on the back that most pastors rarely get. Most of the time it's not the best thing you can do for your family to drag them across country to a strange place. And then tell them that these complete strangers will now become an intimate part of your life. So why do we do it?
We do it because the call of God thunders so violently in our hearts that we can't do anything else and be happy. Many of us have tried to establish another vocation, but we can't deny the constant, deafening call of the Voice of God. If you are reading this and you don't know what I'm talking about, immediately resign from your pastoral position. You will save yourself and your family untold pain and suffering. On the other hand if you are possessed with a burden and call of God that will not release you, then keep reading. So many pastors have fallen by the wayside as a result of church conflict. They crawl to the side of the road broken & bloody, quitting the ministry only to find themselves miserable in a non ministry job. It doesn't have to be that way! You can be restored, or better yet prepared & equipped to handle the fiery darts of conflict.
My First Church
My first pastorate was in a little town of three thousand people. The church had a negative reputation and claimed about 20 people in it's congregation. The first time I preached there I arrived just as Sunday school was letting out. The people walked past me and out the front door. Very few stayed that morning. One hour of Sunday school was all they felt they needed. I preached my heart out to those five faithful who stayed for worship and slowly attendance increased.
I made a whopping $100 a week, but we did have a parsonage provided which helped. One night my wife Jennifer and I decided we would have a night out, so we asked one of the ladies of the church to baby sit for our two young children. When we got home that night my kids asked me a question, "Is this our house?" I said yes. why do you ask? They said that the baby sitter said that it was her house because she gave money to the church and the church bought it, so therefore it was her house.
Sometimes the greatest casualty of ministry is our children. They grow up seeing the worst side of the church. Then folks in the church whisper about "PK" kids, and how they often are problem children. These folks stand in ignorant bliss not understanding that it was their ungodly actions and words that have wounded the hearts of these precious children. How many kids will go to hell because they saw their fathers battered by a church board, their mothers gossiped about, or because of the cold Spiritless atmosphere on Sunday morning as their church went through conflict over some superficial thing?
Conflict with the Worship Leader
One day after several requests from the few faithful, which had now grown to about twenty people, I asked the song leader if he could add a few contemporary songs to the music we used for worship. He told me I was trying to quench the Holy Spirit, and being so young I didn't know what I was talking about. I insisted he add a few songs, he protested by quitting. He then embarked on a campaign to make my life a living hell. He sat in the back row with his arms crossed while I preached shaking his head at everything I said. He called the man I was responsible to in that denomination and complained that I was ruining the church. He also had every member of his family call to make it look like there were many people in the church who were unhappy. Oh another problem, of my twenty people, 6 or 7 were from his immediate family.
Finally one day they backed their truck up to the doors of the church and took everything they had ever given to the church. It was like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. They took tables, chairs, and even the church organ that they had donated years before. As they drove away and their tail lights grew faint in the distance, for just a moment I thought I heard the angels singing.
The church took on a breathe of fresh air. Amazingly, new people started to come in. We didn't have a total outbreak of revival, but it was sure nice to look forward to going to church again. More people stayed for worship after Sunday school, they even started to stand up while they were singing
I do have some fond memories from those days. We put on what we called a Hallelujah Night, as an alternative to Halloween. There were lots of kids and candy, and all the adults had a great time too. We made pancakes for the Sunday school, went on a few retreats, and saw new people come into the church. But the greatest thing was seeing God touch the hearts of people during the service.
God Stopped a Murder
There was a couple that started coming to church on Wednesday nights. They never said a word, just sat there and listened. One day I went to visit them and they told me their story. A few weeks before we first met, this man had found out that his wife had been cheating on him with his brother. After hearing this awful news from his wife he walked out the front door and grabbed his shot gun in a rage fully intending to kill his own brother. He told me that a voice told him to take his gun and break it, which he did. They came to church on that Wednesday night bowed their heads and ask Jesus to forgive their sins. It wasn't a big scene. I didn't know they had made that commitment. But there at the close of a poorly attended Wednesday evening service they bowed their hearts before Jesus and were forever changed.
That's why we are in the ministry; because of the life changing power of Christ. We hunger to have a little part in people coming to God. God gives ministers a front row seat to the greatest spectacle in the universe, the salvation of a lost soul. That's why we are in the ministry, because no matter how people may sometimes act foolishly, God is still the only hope for mankind. Salvation is still only through Christ, and God has chosen the church as His vehicle to take the gospel to a dying world. I hope that someone reading these words just might get a glimpse of how powerful the church could be if we would only get our focus right. If we could only hear the voice of God rather than care so much about our positions and power.
Don't Give Up!
Maybe you are a pastor who has been through the battle and are thinking of giving up. You are hoping that you might find a reason to go on? I want to tell you that it is worth it. Go on! Stay the course. God is teaching you, helping you to become more like Jesus. Jesus knew the rottenness of people but He still died for them. In no other vocation will you know the depth of human darkness, and the awesome presence of a living God. You will have the great privilege of seeing the two come together. You will see darkness overcome and the Devil defeated. But you will pay a price. But so did Jesus, and that puts you in good company.
A New Church In Shenandoah
One day God presented us with an opportunity to pastor a church in Shenandoah, Iowa. It was in a beautiful little town in the southwest corner of the state. I had heard about this church from the Bible College I had attended. After a few phone calls we were asked to make a trip to Shenandoah to preach on a Sunday morning.
The church was packed and the atmosphere was euphoric. As I preached I could feel the Spirit of God move upon the hearts of the people. When I gave the invitation the entire church came forward. They loved us and we loved them immediately. On the ten hour trip back to Indiana Jennifer and I were ecstatic. We had dreamed about a place like this. The people were great. The town was perfect to raise kids in. We just knew God had blessed us with such an opportunity. After praying about this decision for a week I told Larry, the head elder, that we believed God wanted us in Shenandoah and that we would accept the call to pastor there .
We loaded up the truck and moved our family 500 miles west. We were in the heartland now. A place of rolling hills, farms, and a great group of people that were to become a part of our extended family. They helped us unload our truck and immediately showered us with kindness. Some of the women helped Jennifer hang pictures and put away all the kitchen stuff. It was a great start and felt as though we were in Heaven.
Many of the men were hunters and we would often have what they called "game feeds". They would bring their turkey, quail, elk, pheasant, or venison, and fill large tables with delicious food. I was given a beautiful shotgun and invited to go hunting with the guys. I loved it, and life was good.
There was no honeymoon period in Shenandoah. We accepted each other right from the start. It was a wonderful relationship. Sundays were mountain top experiences. I wondered if it could get any better. But I was totally unprepared for what was about to happen to my perfect world.
A New Building and a New Problem
The church had grown and was busting at the seams. There was a building fund that had been started long before I got there. It had grown to $40,000. When we first arrived in Shenandoah I was having dinner at a couples house and they mentioned that this money had been invested. I was a little surprised to hear that, but didn't think too much of it. I was told that it was a special kind of investment that would yield an exceptionally good rate of return. Something in my heart didn't feel quite right, but hey, I was new and what did I know, this was probably just fine.
A year later as people began to get checks from this company and tried to cash them, they bounced. The elders and I were immediately concerned and tried to contact someone about our $40,000 investment. To make a long story short it was all gone. The whole thing had been a scam from the beginning. Our entire building fund had vanished overnight.
The head elder was devastated, especially since he felt as though he had led the people into this investment in the first place. To make it worse many people in the church had invested in this scam company with their own money as well.
Larry asked me if I thought he should resign as an elder. I told him absolutely not. He didn't know what was going to happen, and it wasn't his fault. We called the church together for a meeting to inform them of what had happened. They were pretty upset. I defended Larry and encouraged the congregation to not lose hope but to continue on and start over because we still needed a bigger building and that God would help us. That night ended in worship and unity as someone finally said, "Well it's only money". So incredibly, we went on without too many problems.
The church continued to be blessed. We raised $20,000 in one service to put towards the new building. We were committed to moving forward. Over the next few months a little bit of tension began to surface in our board meetings. Some of it was personality issues, some was frustration on my part that I wanted to move a little faster on the building than some of the other elders. We began to have disagreements. Things had been so good that I was unprepared for this new atmosphere. To be quite honest I didn't know how to handle it. The result was frustration that affected the entire board.
Conflict Begins to Grow
Our conflicts began to be sharper. Out of respect for these men I will not go into much detail. But it's enough to say that we all behaved in ways that were contrary to our character. Hurtful things were said and done, and the frustration grew to the point where I believed it would be best to resign. I knew that if it continued it would become something very ugly and would hurt the church. I gave the board notice of my resignation. Three of them thought it would be a good idea, three did not.
On the Sunday I was to announce to the congregation my intention to leave, I was met by a group of people as I parked my car. They had heard I was going to resign and begged me to reconsider. Some of them were in tears as they pleaded with me to try and work it out. I then made one of the greatest mistakes of my life. I reversed my decision to resign that morning. I was supposed to make the announcement at the close of my message. Three elders saw this as hope to go forward. Three saw it as a declaration of war.
Over the next year we experienced so many awful things. In trying to help the church I had earlier placed an ad on the Internet for a new pastor. I was contacted by a man who wanted the job. When I decided to stay he said that he had received a vision from God about helping someone in Shenandoah. Because I was desperate and in trouble I naively thought that it was possible that God was sending this man to help me. I had him speak at the church. The minute I met him I sensed that I had made a big mistake. Yep, you guessed it, today he is the pastor. He has changed the name of the church, drove all the original people out, and the building lies as a shell of what it could've been. The thing that bothers me most is that I helped him do it by my inability to wisely lead that congregation.
I Resigned Broken and Bruised
When I finally left I was a broken man. I blamed God, myself, and those men who I felt had attacked me. The first Sunday back in my home town of South Bend, Indiana, I attended church in the pew rather than the pulpit for the first time in ten years. I was devastated. I almost left in the middle of the service. My head was still spinning. All the of angry words were still fresh in my mind. Part of me wanted to pastor again, but then there was that other side. The side that was bitter, wounded, and broken. I didn't have the strength or desire - but even in torment I still felt the call of God on my life.
Over the next seven years I rode the roller-coster of emotions. I wanted to pastor, but I hated the thought. I was angry with those men, but I knew I needed to forgive them. God is good, but why did He allow me to go through dark times. Even though I still felt the call to pastor, could I put my family in harms way again? What would make it different this time? It was entirely possible that the exact same problems could arise with even more devastating results.
God Showed me where I was Wrong
I finally came to the place where I knelt on my garage floor and surrendered to God telling Him that I would do anything He asked me. He began to teach me. Not about how wrong those guys were, but how I could have done things differently. He showed me I had made poor decisions and that I had been much of the source of my own pain. It would have done no good for God to throw me back into ministry again. I would've destroyed myself and whatever unlucky church that got me. He wanted to train me, and to teach me how to be an effective leader. It took a long time, but it has been worth it.
My Apology and Reconciliation to my Board
He brought me to the place where I said once again, "Ok God you're the boss, I trust you, I'll do anything you want me to." He distinctly spoke into my heart to call Larry, the head elder from Shenandoah. I called early one morning and apologized for my actions and unkind words. Larry graciously accepted and apologized to me for the same. Then he said something that touched me so deeply, he said," Rich you may not believe this, but its good to hear your voice."
This was not an evil man. None of us that served on that board were evil men. We were deceived and sucked into a game that the Devil has been playing with church for a long time. It's called divide and conquer. He's very good at this evil game. He makes us believe that our brothers setting across from us are the enemy. What a tragedy that the church has fallen into this deception for so long. Our evil foe has trained us to shoot our wounded and to put ourselves first, all for the sake of Jesus of course.
This web site and ministry is about overcoming the evil one and helping churches have time and energy to accomplish their God given goal of reaching the world with the gospel instead of using time and energy fighting each other. The principals on this site will change you life, ministry, and church. As I said earlier, these insights did not come from the latest pop psychology or Christian church growth book. They came out of the fires of affliction. They are lessons taught by the Holy Spirit. My questions of why I had to go through these things were answered. What I've learned through my trials and tribulations is not just for my own benefit, but also for you. My greatest desire is that you receive hope and instruction to get up and accomplish what God has called you to do.
It is my intention to give you information and wisdom that is not taught in our Bible Colleges and seminaries. What follows is the blood & guts of pastoring. Things that I have learned by walking through the fire.
May you never quit. May you only get wiser and stronger in the Spirit, gaining the ability to overcome the evil one and fully accomplish all that God has for you to do.